Loose Ends

As I sit here at my desk trying to tie up loose ends at work before I leave for 10 days, my mind keeps wandering. And then I find myself in a puddle of tears. Thank God I didn't wear contacts today. Tomorrow marks another wonderful milestone that I am so grateful for, my daughter J will be graduating from High School. I was a little apprehensive when the school year started, then when she moved out to get married, I honestly didn't think she was going to do it. Oh,  Ye of Little Faith.. yup, I know that's me. She has proved me wrong. She is growning up to a wonderful mother and woman of God raising her daughter up in the faith. OHHH,  I am such a big baby when it comes to my kids!!

We started the week off with a 3 day fast, Monday went smooth....then Tuesday.. a couple of bumps in the road.. a little self condemnation and insecurities started to flood in, little nibbles of lies begin to come in.. I had to stop and pray.. remind myself that I have come this far and there is no turning back, because the end is already written and we have WON. 
So like the usual me, I found every little thing I needed to do.. or extra things as I usually do, to keep myself busy. I needed ribbon, so I went into my very neglected craft closet (Jesse calls it my $200 closet) and decided to clean it out.. WHOA..that was a bigger job than I had envisioned.. Well it didn't help that at Valentines and Easter I got a couple of Huge grab bags of extra stuff for $2 bucks at Micheal's Craft (yup, I know SCORE) 

Well in the middle of that I realized I needed to get to the store to get candy to make Jacinda her candy leis for graduation, plus for the youth that are graduating with her that are in our Young Dogs (Disciples of God) Youth Group.

 Before I knew it it was already 10pm. I love how God helps me come back to reality and not play the pity party, he is sooo faithful in that. Because if we are honest alot of time we play the victim in our own little pity parties (or is that just me?) 
Well its Wednesday, at 5pm I clock out for vacation. I haven't even started packing, Still got to shop, cook & decorate for a graduation dinner at my moms, pick up Jesse's dry cleaning, pack, go to the bank, pack the suburban,  the list goes on and on......ohhh wait didn't I just say no pity party??? I am just sooo ready to get on the road for our annual Tuscon Conference. I NEED a refresher or just a good kick in the butt, so I don't forget where I come from. Jesse wants to leave Friday at 3am... yup, i know.. he is something else.. he is just excited to get there early and spend time with our girls and so am I, but 3 am, that's a bit early. 
A few months ago I wrote about how excited I was about my cousin and her husband locking into one of our fellowship church's,  well the best part of our trip will be getting to meet up with them and meet their church family. See How Awesome Our God Is!!!! Well I better get off this computer, wipe the tears and get moving! Have a great week!!

Mathew 14:31

And immediately Jesus stretched out His hand and caught him, and said to him, “O you of little faith, why did you doubt?”

Mother's Day

I hope all you wonderful mothers had a fantastic Mothers Day, I got to Celebrate 2 days in a Row.. Well 4 if you count Thursday & Friday too. See Thursday evening we took Steven & Cinda out for dinner and did some walking at the Simi Towne Center and went to the armed forces history museum, then Jesse was like "hey lets pull an all nighter" (thats about 11:30 pm our time haha) So we did just that and headed over to my favorite all time store Winco (grocery store), did some serious damage there and went to bed way past our all nighter time. Then Friday my hubby took the day off and we hung out all day, took Annabel to School then went window shopping, I tried on sooo many outfits and left with nothing (that drives Jesse crazy) but I'm the kind of shopper that has to "Feel" it to actually buy it, Crazy, Yup, I know. After a couple more stores we decided to try something new for lunch, Famous Dave's BBQ, I'm not a big fan of BBQ Sauce but this place was a super WINNER in my book. We then went and picked up our granddaughter, and her & I went Shopping (i know again?) with my Mommy.. :) while Jess stood home and studied for his sermon. She wanted to Bless Cinda with new clothes for our Annual Church Conference in Tuscon. After a crazy day of shopping we finally came home and another wonderful surprise was my baby boy (not so baby, 20 year old US Marine, hee hee)  showed up for the weekend festivities, I wasn't expecting him to come at all. 
Saturday Morning we all got up and got ready to head south to see Jesse's family, see May 10th is Mexico's Mothers Day. We had a huge BBQ and his sisters home ( a place we love getting together at). Wonderful food and the kicker is they asked Jesse to pray over the food before we started. I think its awesome that they embrace prayer (especially since some of them think we are "extreme" with "our church") I was just glad my mother in law got to have all her childeren, grand children and great grandchildren there to help her Celebrate. 

Sunday Morning followed with more celebrating, I was in my room getting ready for church when my two girls came in with my gift. They sang me a song.. I was trying so hard to stay strong and not cry but by the time Cinda sang her solo.. I was choking down the tears. It was the best gift ever!!!! I was blessed again with my Hubby getting to preach at church (our pastor and his family were on vacation). He did amazing!!! He always does!!! I am so proud to call him my Husband. We had a few visitors, two main guests were my mom's sisters!! She was so excited. See she just got a new Tablet and posted on FB to let all her family and friends know her Son in law was preaching.. She is so cute!! I love her so much, especially into the wonderful woman of God she is becoming. Just the encouragement she gives me (she might not know it, but she does)!

After service my husband blessed my mom, me and Cinda with lunch at the best Chinese Restaurant in Oxnard, Yup, I know. .... Golden Chicken Inn.

Finally to end the spectacular weekend, my husband got me a purse, Yup, I know.. I have to many purses.. don't worry it wasn't another Dooney or Coach... hee hee but it was cute!!!!

I hope all you mothers out there were as blessed as I was this past weekend! We all deserve a pat on the back because being a mom is one of the most emotional, tear jerking, rewarding job in the world, and the worst part is our children are only borrowed for this time on earth!!! But so worth it!!! Have a great day!!

Proverbs 23:25

Let your father and your mother be glad, And let her who bore you rejoice.

Just because............I LOVE HER

What are you hiding????

My last entry was only after months of dwelling on something internal that was spiritually killing me, my marriage, my family but most of all my walk with God. We are in the midst of a revival at church and my hubby asked me before it started if I was going into it with an open heart and mind. I told him I would go in with an open mind, but my heart is mine. I was still to afraid to give it out, just to be shred to pieces again (yup, I know.... over exaggerating my emotions again). We kicked off the revival with one of our carnivals at the park,  Jesse asked me mid-way if I would give my testimony.. there was no thinking about that one.. I instantly said No. Then on Sunday Morning, I was so excited to be in nursery (if you know me, you know I really am not big on nursery, but I figured it was better than what God was going to be doing to my heart) After service as usual during a revival some kind of quarrel comes up between me and Jess... and it was a doosey.... but then I seen it with my daughter and her husband. I had to sit back giggle and then think "What am I doing", remember those inherited curses I was talking about? Yeah I ain't breaking those chains, I am giving them to my kids and their growing families. GOD Smote me (not literally but spiritually) something broke inside me. I went to service that night EXPECTING great things. Was it an over the top sermon? Did the heavens open? Nope none of that.. just straight preaching and something started to turn in me. Then last night, I seen miracles.. things I have been holding onto that no one knows about but God were revealed in the preaching. Simple words, about hiding the hurt, brokenness and that's what I had been doing, and all the while blaming God and my Husband, for things that are far beyond their control. I thank God for his faithfulness. Its on his timing. I had to go through this to see his truth and power, and I did just that.
The next miracle, was couples and families that havent been at service showed up. Words of encouragement were given out. My heart is right and ready for the next chapter of what God has for Jess and I. and I know its BIG!!!!  Have an awesome day!!!

1 Chronicles 28:9

“As for you, my son Solomon, know the God of your father, and serve Him with a loyal heart and with a willing mind; for the Lord searches all hearts and understands all the intent of the thoughts. If you seek Him, He will be found by you; but if you forsake Him, He will cast you off forever.

Pivotal Turning Point

All I can say is the last 3 months have been a complete blur. I have allowed something to come into my heart and kill, steal, & destroy the peace and joy God has given me. I know exactly the day and hour it happened, Yup I know.. am I continuing to dwell on it? Sometimes... yeah.. just being honest. 
Knowing in my heart and soul that God would never let me down, he is the first I let go of. I got angry and upset, felt like it was all his fault I was feeling this way. How could he allow my daughter to move out and take my grandbaby with her (mind you I didn't care that her and Steven were about to make things right and get married) 

Ohh no none of that matter to me!!But God knew what he was doing, I didn't care it had to be my way... Whoa who do I think I am, you may say. The person that Jesse always says that is so stubborn that I would cut my right arm off to prove I was right (when I am ever wrong??) Yeah Right!!! More than I would like to admit.
Have I gotten better, have I given everything to God, No and Some... but I can't give up, I won't give up. I have some family curses to break and help my daughter and her new family to learn from. I just thank God he isn't anything like me, cuz he would of left me High & Dry. 
Well off to a busy week.. REVIVAL... maybe soon i will go into a deeper detail of all my stress' and worry. Have an awesome week!!

Walls Up

So January is already over and so much has happened in my emotion roller coaster kinda life. So much to catch you all up on.
The month started out sooo perfectly heading to Prescott Arizona for our January Fellowship Conference.

 We got to meet up with so many old friends from the North West. I know Jesse and I were both a little apprehensive about seeing them. But with Gods Grace everything was perfect, lots of tears of joy. Seeing my old friend Mitch, was such a blessing and brought me back to the beginning joys of when I first became a Christian. 

I know the devil was out for us from the get go, because by day 2, we got a call saying Annabel was being rushed to the emergency room. I was like really?? Now?? But with prayer and faith, she was fine, no broken ribs (the life of a wrestler).

 I then met a pastors wife from New Mexico in the elevator (yup, I know, God knows what he is doing) she gave me some information on a new church in the town my cousin lives in. I text my cousin that day and her and her husband have been faithful going to that new work, Mike is even attending the morning prayer. My prayers for them have been non stop, we played hard together, now we will serve hard together. All because of God's timely ways.

So many timely messages were preached and one that really sticks out was by Pastor Warner, 3,2,1....life changing experiences... Well on the last day of conference I got one of those life changing experiences, it was an unexpected phone call. That call did something to me that I find myself having a hard time to tear this wall down that came up when that call was received and I knew the events were taking place as we drove back to California. I hate crying, but our drive home consisted of just that and Jesse laying hands on me praying. I know when I put a wall up, its so I don't get hurt, to me it feels like every time I take a brick off it makes me vulnerable for just that (to get hurt) Were is God in all this I ask, and that's the problem, my my wall goes up, I find it hard to pray and seek him... Yup, I know to honest, because he should be the one I run to so HE can tear down these walls he so wonderfully does. 
Well its the 3rd week of coming home from conference and my shell is still there but I know I am little by little trying, to come out my shell. Jesse has been very supportive and is a true blessing to have as a partner. 

Okay enough with the downer, for some awesome upbeat news.. Jesse and I started up a youth bible study, and Annabel was able to get 3 of the wrestlers to come, I was so gloriously blessed to be able to pray with the two girls, (that took two bricks off my heavy heart) it reminds me of Gods awesome power to save. The most awesome part of that was they are excited to come back next week and actually showed up to Bible Club (did I mention our pastor is a High School math teacher where Annabel goes to school and holds a Bible Club meeting every week) That is such a milestone Jesse and I have been praying for. We want the next generation to catch the Vision we have been laboring for, and its coming to pass. 

Well, in two weeks we will be having Pastor Warner and his wife bless us with a Marriage Seminar. It's time for me to really start tearing down this wall and believe God is going to put spiritual blinders on me to protect my heart. Pray for us and I pray for all you!! Have a blessed week!!!

Isaiah 25:12

The fortress of the high fort of your walls He will bring down, lay low, And bring to the ground, down to the dust.

QUALITY not QUANTITY

So it's 2014.. Yup, I know.... so much has happened since my last post. We had Christmas and New Years. This was our first year as Grandparents for Jesse and I, and I do have to say it was the most amazing feeling to have. We both had to work on Christmas Eve, and I hadn't even bought our prime rib yet for dinner. Yup, I know.. Lil miss planner was sooo not ready for Christmas this year.. just two days before I was still trying to buy gifts, getting Athena's ears pierced, oh and did I forget to mention I spent the Friday and Saturday before Christmas at the High School running the wrestling snack bar that is over 24 full hours put in two days (thank you Hilda for all your help).. WHOOO no wonder I was a mess. I text Jesse first minute I got into my office on Christmas Eve.. my usual melt down.. who else will listen to me.. ohhh how I love him. He  kept reminding me we have time.. everything will be fine.. "Be fine, we still got to go shopping for dinner, make our rounds to my abuelita's house for tamales, candle light service at 6, then drive back to Moorpark to make dinner. Well as usual my hubby was right, we had time.. God stretched the time out for us. We decided on something different for dinner and went with a steamer pot (like joe's crab shack with andouille sausage, clams, corn on the cob, red potatoes, shrimp). It was perfect. after dinner we decided to play a new game we bought for the family. My mom cracks me up, she just doesn't get it sometimes.. I just thank God he saved her and brought us back together as a mother daughter should be. 

We finally let the kids open their gifts and they stayed up till a little after two am. Christmas day, Jesse and David made breakfast while I baked some goodies to take to Jesse's sisters house. At the same time Jesse, Bell & David were getting their silly Christmas outfits together (his awesome sister always has a different kind of theme) Jesse swears he took first. I felt a cold coming on and took some day quil on the way there and tried to fight it off  but  it till finally took over and on the way home I took some nyquil.... I was down for the count for the next 3 days. I finally left the house Sunday morning to go to church. I ended up missing a two day wrestling tournament that I was supposed to chaperone, once again THANK YOU HILDA FOR STEPPING IN!!!! Annabel wasn't too happy since this Saturday I will be missing another Tournament as Jesse & I will be leaving to Prescott for our fellowships
January Conference. Sorry Baby Girl!!! But know that dad and I are proud of you.. Did I mention she text me the first day and said she just led the girls in a prayer while they were in a huddle before the first match. That's QUALITY....
New Years, Jesse planned a night of games and food at the church. My awesome pastor's wife decorated the church so perfectly. So many families were out sick. But this was a get together in my opinion of QUALITY not QUANTITY. We had two new families that are beginning to really lock in, they are such a blessing to our congregation in their own ways and we are truly blessed to have them. We also had an abundance of  teenagers come, three just so happened to be wrestlers that are on Annabel's team... and attend the school my pastor teaches at. See I honestly believe God brought Jesse and I to this little church to watch and remind us of How Great is Our God. I know my hubby was a little discouraged there wasn't a bigger turnout for the Celebration.. but I reminded him Quality not Quantity. See even when things are going good, the devil will try to sneak his slimy head in and try to take any Victory that God is doing. 

Finally last night we had our prayer and prophecy service and again, not many came, but those that did, had this apparent fire in their hearts to get a hold of all that God has for our congregation. Jesse asked me what our personal theme was for the new year.. I instantly said Discipline..because personally I know I need more discipline in my prayer life, reading my bible, follow up... the list goes on and on, but as I write this and have been trying to get a hold of God since last nights prayer service.. I changed that theme to Quality not Quantity... Make everything I do for 2014 matter.. like its the last time I have to do it... whether its to share the gospel with someone or show my hubby that I do listen and be more sensitive to his needs. Like its an URGENCY.. remember Jesus is coming back and we don't know when.. make your life matter, he did...... for you!!!

2 Corinthians 8:3-5

³ For I bear witness that according to their ability, yes, and beyond their ability, they were freely willing, ⁴ imploring us with much urgency that we would receive the gift and the fellowship of the ministering to the saints. ⁵ And not only as we had hoped, but they first gave themselves to the Lord, and then to us by the will of God.