Pivotal Turning Point

All I can say is the last 3 months have been a complete blur. I have allowed something to come into my heart and kill, steal, & destroy the peace and joy God has given me. I know exactly the day and hour it happened, Yup I know.. am I continuing to dwell on it? Sometimes... yeah.. just being honest. 
Knowing in my heart and soul that God would never let me down, he is the first I let go of. I got angry and upset, felt like it was all his fault I was feeling this way. How could he allow my daughter to move out and take my grandbaby with her (mind you I didn't care that her and Steven were about to make things right and get married) 

Ohh no none of that matter to me!!But God knew what he was doing, I didn't care it had to be my way... Whoa who do I think I am, you may say. The person that Jesse always says that is so stubborn that I would cut my right arm off to prove I was right (when I am ever wrong??) Yeah Right!!! More than I would like to admit.
Have I gotten better, have I given everything to God, No and Some... but I can't give up, I won't give up. I have some family curses to break and help my daughter and her new family to learn from. I just thank God he isn't anything like me, cuz he would of left me High & Dry. 
Well off to a busy week.. REVIVAL... maybe soon i will go into a deeper detail of all my stress' and worry. Have an awesome week!!

Walls Up

So January is already over and so much has happened in my emotion roller coaster kinda life. So much to catch you all up on.
The month started out sooo perfectly heading to Prescott Arizona for our January Fellowship Conference.

 We got to meet up with so many old friends from the North West. I know Jesse and I were both a little apprehensive about seeing them. But with Gods Grace everything was perfect, lots of tears of joy. Seeing my old friend Mitch, was such a blessing and brought me back to the beginning joys of when I first became a Christian. 

I know the devil was out for us from the get go, because by day 2, we got a call saying Annabel was being rushed to the emergency room. I was like really?? Now?? But with prayer and faith, she was fine, no broken ribs (the life of a wrestler).

 I then met a pastors wife from New Mexico in the elevator (yup, I know, God knows what he is doing) she gave me some information on a new church in the town my cousin lives in. I text my cousin that day and her and her husband have been faithful going to that new work, Mike is even attending the morning prayer. My prayers for them have been non stop, we played hard together, now we will serve hard together. All because of God's timely ways.

So many timely messages were preached and one that really sticks out was by Pastor Warner, 3,2,1....life changing experiences... Well on the last day of conference I got one of those life changing experiences, it was an unexpected phone call. That call did something to me that I find myself having a hard time to tear this wall down that came up when that call was received and I knew the events were taking place as we drove back to California. I hate crying, but our drive home consisted of just that and Jesse laying hands on me praying. I know when I put a wall up, its so I don't get hurt, to me it feels like every time I take a brick off it makes me vulnerable for just that (to get hurt) Were is God in all this I ask, and that's the problem, my my wall goes up, I find it hard to pray and seek him... Yup, I know to honest, because he should be the one I run to so HE can tear down these walls he so wonderfully does. 
Well its the 3rd week of coming home from conference and my shell is still there but I know I am little by little trying, to come out my shell. Jesse has been very supportive and is a true blessing to have as a partner. 

Okay enough with the downer, for some awesome upbeat news.. Jesse and I started up a youth bible study, and Annabel was able to get 3 of the wrestlers to come, I was so gloriously blessed to be able to pray with the two girls, (that took two bricks off my heavy heart) it reminds me of Gods awesome power to save. The most awesome part of that was they are excited to come back next week and actually showed up to Bible Club (did I mention our pastor is a High School math teacher where Annabel goes to school and holds a Bible Club meeting every week) That is such a milestone Jesse and I have been praying for. We want the next generation to catch the Vision we have been laboring for, and its coming to pass. 

Well, in two weeks we will be having Pastor Warner and his wife bless us with a Marriage Seminar. It's time for me to really start tearing down this wall and believe God is going to put spiritual blinders on me to protect my heart. Pray for us and I pray for all you!! Have a blessed week!!!

Isaiah 25:12

The fortress of the high fort of your walls He will bring down, lay low, And bring to the ground, down to the dust.

QUALITY not QUANTITY

So it's 2014.. Yup, I know.... so much has happened since my last post. We had Christmas and New Years. This was our first year as Grandparents for Jesse and I, and I do have to say it was the most amazing feeling to have. We both had to work on Christmas Eve, and I hadn't even bought our prime rib yet for dinner. Yup, I know.. Lil miss planner was sooo not ready for Christmas this year.. just two days before I was still trying to buy gifts, getting Athena's ears pierced, oh and did I forget to mention I spent the Friday and Saturday before Christmas at the High School running the wrestling snack bar that is over 24 full hours put in two days (thank you Hilda for all your help).. WHOOO no wonder I was a mess. I text Jesse first minute I got into my office on Christmas Eve.. my usual melt down.. who else will listen to me.. ohhh how I love him. He  kept reminding me we have time.. everything will be fine.. "Be fine, we still got to go shopping for dinner, make our rounds to my abuelita's house for tamales, candle light service at 6, then drive back to Moorpark to make dinner. Well as usual my hubby was right, we had time.. God stretched the time out for us. We decided on something different for dinner and went with a steamer pot (like joe's crab shack with andouille sausage, clams, corn on the cob, red potatoes, shrimp). It was perfect. after dinner we decided to play a new game we bought for the family. My mom cracks me up, she just doesn't get it sometimes.. I just thank God he saved her and brought us back together as a mother daughter should be. 

We finally let the kids open their gifts and they stayed up till a little after two am. Christmas day, Jesse and David made breakfast while I baked some goodies to take to Jesse's sisters house. At the same time Jesse, Bell & David were getting their silly Christmas outfits together (his awesome sister always has a different kind of theme) Jesse swears he took first. I felt a cold coming on and took some day quil on the way there and tried to fight it off  but  it till finally took over and on the way home I took some nyquil.... I was down for the count for the next 3 days. I finally left the house Sunday morning to go to church. I ended up missing a two day wrestling tournament that I was supposed to chaperone, once again THANK YOU HILDA FOR STEPPING IN!!!! Annabel wasn't too happy since this Saturday I will be missing another Tournament as Jesse & I will be leaving to Prescott for our fellowships
January Conference. Sorry Baby Girl!!! But know that dad and I are proud of you.. Did I mention she text me the first day and said she just led the girls in a prayer while they were in a huddle before the first match. That's QUALITY....
New Years, Jesse planned a night of games and food at the church. My awesome pastor's wife decorated the church so perfectly. So many families were out sick. But this was a get together in my opinion of QUALITY not QUANTITY. We had two new families that are beginning to really lock in, they are such a blessing to our congregation in their own ways and we are truly blessed to have them. We also had an abundance of  teenagers come, three just so happened to be wrestlers that are on Annabel's team... and attend the school my pastor teaches at. See I honestly believe God brought Jesse and I to this little church to watch and remind us of How Great is Our God. I know my hubby was a little discouraged there wasn't a bigger turnout for the Celebration.. but I reminded him Quality not Quantity. See even when things are going good, the devil will try to sneak his slimy head in and try to take any Victory that God is doing. 

Finally last night we had our prayer and prophecy service and again, not many came, but those that did, had this apparent fire in their hearts to get a hold of all that God has for our congregation. Jesse asked me what our personal theme was for the new year.. I instantly said Discipline..because personally I know I need more discipline in my prayer life, reading my bible, follow up... the list goes on and on, but as I write this and have been trying to get a hold of God since last nights prayer service.. I changed that theme to Quality not Quantity... Make everything I do for 2014 matter.. like its the last time I have to do it... whether its to share the gospel with someone or show my hubby that I do listen and be more sensitive to his needs. Like its an URGENCY.. remember Jesus is coming back and we don't know when.. make your life matter, he did...... for you!!!

2 Corinthians 8:3-5

³ For I bear witness that according to their ability, yes, and beyond their ability, they were freely willing, ⁴ imploring us with much urgency that we would receive the gift and the fellowship of the ministering to the saints. ⁵ And not only as we had hoped, but they first gave themselves to the Lord, and then to us by the will of God.

Punching Bag

WOW... So the first 15 days of December just flew, and I thought i was going to get caught up in the tornado of the whirlwind I was stuck in. You all know how crazy busy I self inflict myself and why would December be any different. It all began with me telling Jesse, my only wish for December was to get closer to Jesus, (yup, I know.. only asking for a bulls eye on my forehead is better) As soon as I said that I was inflicted with so many trials from that stinking devil. I should of known better. See the devil hears our cries just like Jesus does and is oh he will take full advantage of whatever he can. I totally fell into the devils devices, getting upset to the point of anger not mad (blowing up kind) to things that I have totally no control over. Isn't it just like the devil to do that,  but of course me being punching bag, I allowed it. I would repent, give it to God and wake up to another day of craziness, too busy to read my bible or too busy to pray, (yup I know, my prayer closet is in the shower; and yes I showered every day, but I was still to angry to pray) Jesse would grab me and say lets pray, I would sigh and huff and puff and say go right ahead. Me being the prideful person I  know I am continued through the week letting the devil use me as the punching bag for his pleasure. 
I worked late every day last week (not my norm) I had to help my husband with the black light presentation we were doing with the children's church on Sunday, and plan, cook and prepare for the women's brunch at the church (worried no one would show like last year, where I cried all the way home) & got into a big TIFF of an Argument with my daughter. What was I thinking, about trying to get closer to God? This isn't the time.... WHOA WAIT.. wasn't my last blog just on that ... Jesus Season... I got caught up and forgot what all this was for... Not me that's for sure... and God has to bring me back down to reality to remind me of that...even if it means letting me be a punching bag to the devil. See Pastor preached last night on Sheaple (Sheep & People) Sheep are dumb animals.. you know what US, people (speaking for myself) are dumb animals. Sheep know their Masters voice, and will be afraid of another voice.  We know our MASTERS voice, but sometimes listening to the other muffled voice telling us otherwise as to where to go or do, ya we are that dumb. We should be afraid of that voice and a lot of time we aren't, because of our pride or stubbornness (speaking for myself again). 
Well after the craziness... All the women of our congregation showed up and brought soo many deserts (overflowing that we even had enough, for the meet & greet after service on Sunday) We had 4 visiting families for the Children's Show. My daughter and  I made up with hugs and love. So its not about me, but about what God is trying to do in me as I deal with my "dumbness" 
Well a new week and a new list of things to do, but you know what, that's okay, because if I made it out of the furnace last week, the fire this week (whatever it may be) will be dwindling down. CHRISTMAS is almost here... JESUS SEASON... Be thankful for one thing each day, because its one day closer to JESUS!!!

Jeremiah 12:3

But You, O Lord, know me; You have seen me, And You have tested my heart toward You. Pull them out like sheep for the slaughter, And prepare them for the day of slaughter.

Jesus Season

Well I hope everyone had a fantastic Thanksgiving, mine was a bit bitter sweet. As the tears have come & gone my kids are older and starting their families so trying to get everyone together at the same time took some maneuvering. We got to have Jacinda, Steven & Athena I til about 6:00 pm then off to his family they went, they got to say hello/goodbyes to David & Isabel as they were leaving & David was arriving. It's okay (yup, I know not something you hear out of my mouth) but you see Saturday I got all my kids & grandbaby together. We spent the day shopping at the mall, eating at David's favorite place Andreas at Ventura Harbor then Ice Cream at Coastal Cones....

 Finally to get our tree together (last time together as a family my heart tells me, yup, I know, my kids are starting to start their own traditions) & Starbucks for coffee & cocoa. Ohhhh the gifts are already under the tree & I know we got the best one!!!

December is finally among us (finally??? Geesh it's come too soon) it feels like summer just ended; guess the 80 degree weather doesn't help. Anyways... This much needed 4 day weekend feels like it flew. Thanksgiving & Fall decorations are out, back in storage and in with the Christmas decorations.. Not to get me confused, I am not into the whole commercial "buy buy buy" aspect of it but I do love the colors, smells, baking, get together business' of the month. I got soo much planning (yup I know, me plan hahaha) But last night pastor  preached on just that.. a lady that had every detail of her life planned down in 15 minute increments...Low and behold at that moment I get a little nudge from my wonderful daughter (they know me best) and she whispered "glad your not that bad" my response..am I really bad (yup, i know..coming from the lady that did every cute thing for a shower she seen on pinterest) That got me to thinking, what do I want out of this season?? Plan every minute of the month? New recipes to bake? Buy Athena all the cute outfits I've seen? The UGG boots I have been begging Jesse for 2 years for? NO none of that.. I want to see my kids and family serve God.. Isn't that the whole reason for this season? Jesus was born otherwise there would of never been resurrection and without that where would we all be? Its time to think about all the JOY (Jesus, Others, You) of CHRISTmas. Have a blessed, worry free Jesus Season! 

John 12:46

I have come as a light into the world, that whoever believes in Me should not abide in darkness.

Thankfulness

Thanksgiving is tomorrow, but why should we only be thankful once a year. I know tonight we will be having a testimony service at church. And just looking back to last years testimony service, I have soooo much more to be thankful for. Last year at this time I was still overcoming a serious state of depression with me thinking my family was incomplete with my son gone. With the grace and mercy of Jesus he showed me different. See David left to Japan and I was in a frame of worry thinking the same thing was going to happen to me again. But God being the awesome God he is, kept me busy with a granddaughter on the way. And it worked. The scenario isn't what any mother would want (yup, i know...who doesn't want a grandchild.. but with an unwed teenage mother, its a little different; but that's my daughters testimony and I will share that later with her permission)See my son is home now for the holidays and we have a new addition to the family. We are complete.
See, I have never been one to cry or show my feelings unless they were fueled with anger and hate. But softness and love I never showed.. because I believed it showed weakness. This weakness I speak of has helped me grow so much this year. I never thought I would have a relationship with my daughters the way I do today. I was just telling my hubby on our way to my favorite place Winco (yup, i know.. who the heck's favorite place is a grocery store; just one of my little joys in life) that I was so thankful that my daughters trust me enough to open up to me, to trust me with their problems, feelings, heart! Thats a big thing, because last year at this time I was still trying to win their love back. As you might of read in past blog entries, I have alot of failures and being a good mom was one of them. But God has restored the time the locusts have eaten and given me a "prodigal son" type of renewed love with my girls. I am ever so Thankful for that. The chains have been broken and now the love I share with them they will be able to pass on to their children. Jacinda with Athena, I can see the love she has for her now, and I am ever so proud!!! She is the best mommy I could ever imagine.

I manage a property for seniors and disabled people, some of these people don't have family to celebrate the holidays with, so I made a Thanksgiving Feast for them from scratch yesterday (not no pre-made meal you buy from Alberstons). I was running back and forth between both properties I manage to get everything together and as the festivities began, the most unexpected thing took place. The lady that was meanest to me when I first started this job (yup I know they are old but she was just down right mean) I mean the lady asked my why I smiled so much when I started, because working here that smile isn't going to last. Well 2 years later the smile has diminished a bit, but getting back to what blew me away. Each and every one of them (we had a full house, another thing that has never taken place) stood up and said what they were thankful for. Some were so minimum, just thankful for their health to make it to the meal. Last but not least the mean lady, said " I saved the best for last, we are thankful for our manager" I was speechless. So not like them. But once again God is on the throne, he blessed me with this job, because he knew I needed to be able to get along with all types of attitudes and personalities, especially with Jesse being called to preach. 
Finally I am just so Thankful for my husband, he is my second stepping stone (Jesus is my first) these two rocks, help me get through everything. I am just glad our friendship has blossomed this year, like when we were best friends back in 1992 (yup, i know...i'm aging myself; but see I am thankful for that too, because it has given me a couple of notches of wisdom).
Well I hope everyone will have a blessed Thanksgiving!!

Psalms 95:2

 Let us come before His presence with thanksgiving; Let us shout joyfully to Him with psalms.

Wasted Time

Its been awhile agian since I've written and Annabel & Jesse always remind me that I haven't. My excuse..ohh I'm pondering what God is inspiring me to write.. but in reality its pure laziness (yup, I know..too honest)... So much for wasting time. 
On Sunday Morning, my hubby preached on Wasted Time... how there are seasons for everything. I know I get in my funks where I don't want to pray (yup, i know.. too honest again) or pick up my bible, or try to finish one of the 3 books I am reading at any given time. There is always one excuse or another. I can blame it on housekeeping, the kids, work, ministry, my I-phone (oooops, did I hit nerve, yup, I know... way tooo honest). But seriously.. it is all just wasting time. I decided last night before bed I was going to get up and pray, cook breakfast, make lunch's, get ready and be to work on time. It all sounded so good in my head. I did make breakfast and lunch's (and no it wasn't captain crunch & a $5 bill to grab something later) it was bacon, eggs and a turkey sandwich for lunch, But my prayer time... the thing that should of been more important than the food for my tummy... the food for my soul.. consisted of "God help me through the day" that's it.. YUP, I KNOW...what is that.. wasted time!! Instead of worrying about getting my make up on.. or making sure food is done (i know hubby needs his food).. I should of been worrying about getting closer to God. Its that season we are embarking on that is supposed to be a joyous time.. but the busyness of life overtakes us.. Shopping, parties, hosting.. yeah I do that all.. and instead of seeking HIM.. that he is going to give me the strength to do it all, I waste time on foolish things..even on a simple text to say "I miss you to my hubby" on his way to work. 
Its a time for all of us to start taking our relationship with God seriously.. or is that just me.. I feel that sometimes.. that I will never be good enough. But I can say that I am going to seek him for help on my wasted time.. Time for the nitty gritty of getting closer to MY GOD.. he is the reason for this season.

Ecclesiastes 3:1

 To everything there is a season,
A time for every purpose under heaven