Changes

So many changes are happening this year. My son is in Fuji, seeing parts of the world I have only dreamed of. My husband is fervently praying about his job situation and thinking about making that step to be his own boss. My baby Annabel is starting high school next week. And finally, I am planning a baby shower for my first grand-baby; if any of you know my OCD on planning I have two notebooks of ideas, lists and plans for this. My poor family has no idea what they got themselves into. Pinterest doesn’t help, because they have even more ideas for me to use. And of course I have to do them all, because of course it is my first grandchild.

When I first found out I was going to be a grandmother I wasn’t having it! I had sooo many emotions going through me (yup, I know.. I am a bowl full of emotions at any given moment). Weeks of crying alone in my prayer room (the shower), being angry at what I did wrong ughhh sooo many times as a mother, the things I did to my parents (is this payback) then coming to the realization, all babies are a gift from God, and I am getting my gift in October. My mom told me that once Athena comes the love I have for her will be even so much more different than I have for my own children. And even now as I type this the tears are falling down because she isn’t here and I already love her so much.

Then I start to think that the holidays are just around the corner and my daughter will be starting her own traditions with her new little family, will we be part of those traditions. I pray we are, actually I know we are. Our family is so strong knit nothing can come between us. It’s funny because our home is so quiet now, it doesn’t seem complete without my son, and soon it is going to be gaining two more people. Steven and Athena will complete our home; the warmth in my heart is full of so much Love. And I know God is in the middle of all this Love because without him I know I couldn’t of made it this far. He has kept me grounded in his Love and with that I am able to overcome any obstacle thrown at me. Have a blessed week.

Psalms 139:14

 I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
Marvelous are Your works,
And that my soul knows very well.

Letting Go

Wow, it’s been a while since I have even thought about getting on to write. The last couple of weeks have been sleepless, stressed out, bringing on an ulcer, kinda days. I have been preparing for a big federal inspection at work. I’ve had nightmares, knots in my back, easily irritated, mini tantrums and throwing in the towel kinda attitude. All the while my husband, girls and mom have been so supportive. I am blessed to get prayers on a daily basis from them, even when I don’t want them. Yup, I know.. “don’t want them” Yeah.. there is just some things I feel like I can do on my own, all the while knowing God is in control, no matter how hard I prepare, he knows the outcome beforehand. Me knowing this I still let it affect me.

Last night I was throwing a pity party after church, wanting to just crawl under a rock and whine all alone. Then low and behold my youngest yells for her dad…”are you ready to pray for mom” She lays hands on me, not like a pat but “LAYS HANDS ON” as if she if she is gonna be able to pull the Negative Nancy Demon out of me (my new nickname “Negative Nancy” since this whole ordeal began). Her dad all the while just smiling under his mustache. As they were praying I was thinking on the illustration Jesse was talking about while taking the offering during that evenings service. "Having your back." He knows I always have his back, just like Jonathan did with his armor bearer. I am soo thankful, they too have my back. I guess it takes us to take a moment to look around and see who is really there for you. For me, it’s God, my husband, and kids. I need to stop trying to be in control and let go, Yup, I know!

Well its a new week, my inspection is over. It is what it is, no matter the outcome, God is in control.

Galatians 6:9

And let us not grow weary while doing good, for in due season we shall reap if we do not lose heart.