Dissapointments??

Life’s everyday challenges can be just that a challenge. It’s so full of a variety of different emotions, such as joy, love, dedication, hurt, pain, & disappointments. There are so many more that I didn’t list, but am going to reflect on disappointments.

When I found out Jacinda was going to be a mother I know I sure felt that, disappointed is an understatement. And around that time a song that was playing non stop on the radio was Worn, by Tenth Ave North. Here is a sample of the lyrics:

I'm Tired I'm worn
My heart is heavy
From the work it takes
To keep on breathing
I've made mistakes
I've let my hope fail
My soul feels crushed
By the weight of this world
Let me see redemption win

Let me know the struggle ends
That you can mend a heart
That's frail and torn
I wanna know a song can rise
From the ashes of a broken life
And all that's dead inside can be reborn
Cause I'm worn
My prayers are wearing thin
Yeah, I'm worn
Even before the day begins
Yeah, I'm worn
I've lost my will to fight
I'm worn
So, heaven come and flood my eyes

I know it sounds like a heavy reavy and trust me it is. I thought my heart was in my throat every time it came on. My husband would call me and say it was on again (because being partners, we feel everything together) but I didn’t let it get me, meaning let the words break him. LOL.

Looking back now, disappointments will always be there. We are human, our kids our human, our co-workers are human, there will be let downs. Even when you think that you have one out of three kids that isn’t going to let you down or disappoint you, God reminds you once again, Hey they are just like you!! Born into sin and can be a disappointment. We disappoint God all the time, with our foolish daily failures. But I know the awesome NEWS is God isn’t a disappointment, he wont let us down. Even when we feel like he is no where to be found, he is there. Like the footprints poem. A lot of times there isn’t a set of footprints next to me its more like a drag.. Yup, I know.. Jesus dragging me through the next trial. The best part is I know he has broken my mold (the mold I created with my worldly decisions) and putting all the pieces back together how he intended them to be.

I had another wonderful breakdown (I am not a crier, I always was lead to believe it is pure weakness and you don’t let anyone see you weak) Well last Wednesday I had an ultimate breakdown wasn’t responding to my husbands calls or texts (WHAT?? Yup, I know, not a good Christian wife testimony, but I am human). Came home from work, made up my mind I wasn’t going to church that night, and laid on the couch and cried. (Yup, I know... this year has brought on so many tears, do I even have any left?) About ½ hour into my sobbing marathon, the front door opened to my wonderful best friend holding a bouquet of flowers, Yup, I know, Jesse is the BEST!! All he did was hug me, and at that moment that’s all I needed to make things better. He said I am not going to preach to you about going to church, or not to cry because you’re over exaggerating, but I am just going to hold you. At that moment, I made a decision to go to service that night with an open heart and ears to hear what God was trying to tell me. And sure enough he met me that night…as he always faithfully does. There is never a disappointment with God only Man.  He never ceases to amaze me on how wonderful he is, he knows me better than I know myself, Yup, I know…..that is ridiculously scary.

After a wonderful week of disappointments he again showed me he is working behind the scenes with my prayers that I give him. My daughter that was so adamant about no one being in the delivery room with her during labor except for Steven, last night she came and laid on my bed while I was reading. I knew she wanted to say something she had that quiet scared look on her face. I asked her if everything was okay. She only said “Mom I really want you in the room when Athena is being delivered”, JOY, LOVE, DEDICATION, all the emotions came rolling in, most of all SHOCK.. I responded “I thought you didn’t want anyone in there” She said, “ I need my Mommy”. You have no idea, how my heart felt so warm hugging her at that moment. I love the relationship that God is restoring with my daughter. I need Jesus, just like my kids need me. Soon Cinda will have that with Athena.

 I don’t feel Worn anymore; I feel the true redemption that only Jesus can give. Have an awesome day!!

Psalms 73:26

My flesh and my heart fail; But God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.